My Old Blog

I have a cold. I wanted to go sing karaoke tonight, but alas…even that small pleasure is taken away. Instead I have to resort to another boring night of trying to figure out mysql and php. Hopefully I’ll sleep ok tonight. I couldn’t sleep for shit last night.

I don’t know if any of you read my entry about Mr. BigFatBlog that I posted on 2/8/2003. I actually wrote Mr. FatBlog an email asking him what he thought of what I thought.
This is what he said (excerpts from my email to him are in gray):

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Hi Elliott,

Thanks for writing.

> However, there are some other points he makes that brought me to my
> final opinion: “The only thing that’s ‘wrong’ about a fat person
> wearing a belly shirt is that society sees it as ‘wrong’.” What???
> You could make that argument about anything….the only thing ‘wrong’
> with a dead person as a best friend is that society sees it as
> ‘wrong’. The only thing ‘wrong’ with sleeping with blood relatives is
> that society sees it as ‘wrong’.

I think you’re exaggerating to the extreme here, and really comparing
apples to oranges. The idea of having a dead friend, or sleeping with
a blood relative, is really a sociological more; fat people wearing
belly shirts is just a value. The value is something that has been
simply promoted by modern society, although it may be based on some
Puritanical roots (at least in America). There are definitely two
types of “wrong” here.

> Here is my favorite: “You should love your body, no matter what it
> looks like.” Really?? I tell a slight variation of that to all the
> really hot girls I meet.

That’s a personal stance that you have to deal with, then.

Loving one’s body is the key to acceptance, no matter what size one is.
For women, this is something that is entirely different than men;
there are many levels of pressure, mostly societal, encouraging them to
hate their bodies. The size of clothing is inconsistent; diets are
promoted as a way to really live and enjoy life. There is absolutely a
lack of people loving their bodies, and they should. You should, too.
So should any girl you date, but chances are very good that she really
doesn’t.

> “You should like me even though I’m not as hot as the guys you usually
> date.” Or how about potential employers: “You should hire me, no
> matter how lazy I am.” How about the NBA: “Don’t discriminate
> against me just because I’m short, white and have no talent.” It just
> isn’t realistic. And if realism isn’t your bag, it isn’t desirable
> even in that perfect world we’ll never find.

Again, these examples are wildly different. Loving one’s body at any
size is a lot different than not meeting requirements for a job – these
are two different things.

If anything, people in the fat acceptance movement are very much into
realism. We deal with the realism on a daily basis: discrimination in
the workplace, discrimination in society, a littany of outmoded
stereotypes, mass ignorance… if that’s not realism, I don’t know what
is.

> And here is my final opinion about fatness: All things being equal,
> it is better to be skinny than to be fat. Being fat usually creates
> problems. Being skinny can occasionally create problems. Fatness
> isn’t always the worst of personal issues, but it can add to whatever
> is. So…all things being equal, it is better to be skinny than to be
> fat.

In our modern society, it is “better” to be skinny than fat. But have
you truly questioned why that is so? I have, and continue to do so;
millions of others are doing the same. “Being fat usually creates
problems” is a woefully vague and undersupported argument. Why? How?
When? Where? The same goes for being skinny.

Thanks for writing,

– Paul

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Woefully vague and undersupported argument??? Maybe….but that doesn’t make it a wrong argument.

And finally I’ll say this: If Mr. FatBlog spent as much time and effort trying to lose weight as he spends trying to convince everyone else on the planet that its good to be fat……..well I think we’d have ourselves a solution =)

Am I unsympathetic? I can hear it already: “I can’t lose weight. My body is built like this.” Ok. I will accept that you can’t lose weight if Mr. BigFatBlog accepts that you can’t convince everyone else that it is ok to be fat. In fact, I am confident it is possible to lose weight long before it it will be possible to change the opinion of the entire world.

The third, and most desirable, option is to accept that you are fat and accept that it will always put you at a disadvantage. I think that is what the fat acceptance movement should be about: Fat people personally accepting their disadvantage, instead of trying to convince the rest of the world that it is acceptable. We all have our disadvantages.

Actually, I think fat is ok. I admit it. I have no strong anti-fat feelings…..but its fantasy to believe that fatness is simply an issue of perception…that if somehow you percieve fatness to be acceptable that it is. The fat acceptance movement will always be about fat people secretly resenting the fact that the world shows favoritism towards skinny people…and that they are not one of those skinny people.

It smacks of sophisticated whining. Didn’t they all learn in High School that whiners just get beat up and laughed at?

In fact, it is just like High School. There is always envy of that group you’re not in that is cooler than you. You want to be in that group. They are more fun, smarter, better…whatever. But no matter how many times you try to convince everyone that your group is actually the cool group or that you are now a part of that group…no one buys it. And they never will. The fat group will never be the cool group.

I would also like to thank Paul for returning my email. It has been a fairly civil exchange about a very sensitive topic. I respect that.

I learned some stuff the other day about the unconditional acceptance of others.

I liken it to laissez-faire capitalism. It isn’t that laissez-faire is the best economic model. Markets do not always function perfectly and sometimes need our intervention. However, the questions then becomes: When do you intervene and when do you let the market work itself out? When do you do more harm by intervention than by simply letting the market function inefficiently for a while? History has not shown us wise enough to consistently make the right decision.

That brings us back to unconditional acceptance. It is not the best idea. Ideally one should accept what is acceptable and intervene in the unacceptable. However, am I wise enough to judge correctly what is acceptable and what is aberrant? Even if I judge correctly, do I create more problems than I potentially solve by the confrontation?

And so, it is often a good idea to practice unconditional acceptance of others because I am not smart enough to decide what is or isn’t acceptable nor can I predict the potential harm the intervention itself might cause.

There is one last point to make about this: Unconditional acceptance is a pretty good idea, probably under-utilized…but it is not a great idea. There are times when intervention is necessary and a judgement must be made. Unconditional anything, whether it be acceptance, love or laissez-faire is easily used as an excuse to do nothing when action is necessary.

So…when is action necessary? Well…it is necessary when you believe that it is. It comes down to your faith in right or wrong. A man with no convictions is truly capable of unconditional acceptance, because nothing will ever call him to act. A man with strong convictions will constantly be called to act.

It is surely possible for a man to have strong convictions and be very wrong about them. Nevertheless, he will be called to act. And there will be others with strong convictions that will also be called to act…all with varying degrees of rightness and wrongness. So who is right?

I can appeal to reality to settle this argument. History has shown that he who is winning is right. He who has the biggest stick and reproduces the most is the most correct.

This is always true, no matter how much we may wish it otherwise. You may point out that history books show that winners are sometimes wrong. But that is only because the current winners have a different viewpoint than previous winners. Although history may have judged a winner to be wrong, I assure you that they felt very right at the time, and since they are all dead now, our judgement of their wrongness has no real consequence.

The religious among you may point out that rightness is not just a matter of who is winning. I point out that religion itself is a consequence of the rightness of the winner. You believe that your religion is right because its previous believers had the biggest sticks and reproduced the most. Otherwise the religion would not have continued to exist to allow us to have this discussion. A religion’s rightness is determined by its number of believers and the strength of their convictions.

This little interplay with people of varying strengths of convictions being called to action has a name. It is called Life.

I now point out that this is a very uninspiring opinion. I started out by learning about unconditional accpetance and ended up with a Darwinian attack of religion and the advocacy of ethical relativity. That sucks, but I can find little fault with my arguments so I guess I’ll stick by it.

Hmm….so I suppose there isn’t really a point to be made here. Just that those were the contents of my head….a brief example of how my brain jumps from one thought to the next. I started with an opening sentence and just wrote whatever popped into my head.

I read this website every once in a while: www.bigfatblog.com. It is devoted to defending fatness and I admit to being a regular visitor. I have resisted writing, commenting or judging for a long time. After several whole minutes of deliberation I am now ready to have an opinion.

Mr. BigFatBlog says some pretty intelligent things. He makes the point that being fat does not mean you need to wait until you’re skinny to go out and do something with your life. I come to Mr. Blog’s defense at times. Being fat is not the end of the world. That is a pretty true statement.

However, there are some other points he makes that brought me to my final opinion: “The only thing that’s ‘wrong’ about a fat person wearing a belly shirt is that society sees it as ‘wrong’.” What??? You could make that argument about anything….the only thing ‘wrong’ with a dead person as a best friend is that society sees it as ‘wrong’. The only thing ‘wrong’ with sleeping with blood relatives is that society sees it as ‘wrong’.

Here is my favorite: “You should love your body, no matter what it looks like.” Really?? I tell a slight variation of that to all the really hot girls I meet. “You should like me even though I’m not as hot as the guys you usually date.” Or how about potential employers: “You should hire me, no matter how lazy I am.” How about the NBA: “Don’t discriminate against me just because I’m short, white and have no talent.” It just isn’t realistic. And if realism isn’t your bag, it isn’t desirable even in that perfect world we’ll never find.

And here is my final opinion about fatness: All things being equal, it is better to be skinny than to be fat. Being fat usually creates problems. Being skinny can occasionally create problems. Fatness isn’t always the worst of personal issues, but it can add to whatever is. So…all things being equal, it is better to be skinny than to be fat.

I wonder what reaction Mr. BigFatBlog would have to that?

I have been doing taxes. That is why there have been no updates.

I could say many things about the art of preparing taxes. I have learned a lot of debatably useful information. But its really sort of immaterial.

The most interesting part is the people. The people I work with are nice, but pretty boring. The people that get their taxes done at H&R Block are changing my opinion of “the masses”.

I never realized how many people are getting by on 10 to 15 thousand dollars a year. And these people have kids. How do you support a family, pay rent, go to the doctor, eat, and keep a car running on 10k a year? I haven’t done a financial analysis, but it would seem almost impossible. And yet they do it.

There are even a large number with incomes in the 4 to 8 thousand dollar range. That is absurd. There are a lot of poor people out there. I had a guy come in the other day that worked 6 jobs during the year. Not at a temp agency….6 separate jobs. How do you get jobs so fast? Wouldn’t an employer wonder if you never stayed at a job over a few months?

I never realized how many single mothers there are. I’d say 70% of the single girls that come in have kids….and they aren’t making any money.

I fear for the future. There is not enough to go around. These people don’t have enough going on in their head to get ahead. They have no concept of money. The fees they pay to H&R Block are outrageous and they all get the Rapid Refund thing, which is really just a short term loan with interest rates bordering on predatory. I tell people all the time to take their W-2s and leave…go to the library, get a 1040EZ and fill out their taxes themselves….but I realize they can’t.

I understand and I don’t understand. I understand that poverty begets poverty and small lives lead to small hopes…but I’m missing something. They watch the same TV I do, listen to the same music….they go to the same public schools. They may not get a college education, but my basic ideas, world view and hopes for the future were already shaped before I left high school. And they were not all shaped by my family. I think TV, movies and a high school education were a large part.

They may be learning the same reading, writing and arithmetic as me, but they’re missing some other, more important part. They have low expectations for life, a general lack of dignity and an inability to realize that present actions affect future outcomes. Those are extremely serious problems.

So taxes have been passing the time for me. I went on a job interview the other day. I sang karaoke at a bar the other night. I go to the gym a few nights a week. Thats about it.

I am still jobless and uncertain when that might change. I am very restless.