My Old Blog

Several people have commented on my comment that one day I may stop posting on the website. They’ve also commented about the girlfriend thing, and how negative/apathetic I’ve been in general.

That’s not like me at all. I just need to pick better times to write….things have actually been pretty good lately, and getting better I think.

I think the website will be around for a long time to come. Everything waxes and wanes. Habits, people, work, etc do take up time though. Its always fucking time. Why can’t we ever seem to get a handle on it?

I went to Chicago last week to get certified to teach a class on India, how their world view differs from ours, and how that can affect the workplace. I mention it because one of the points is that Amercans have a very linear view of time, Indians have a more circular view.

We speak about time as if it were a quantity, to be hoarded, spent wisely, parselled, and optimized. What we do now is dictated by what we were able to get done yesterday and will have a profound affect on where we end up tomorrow.

For Indians time is the liquid through which their lives move. It is amorphous and situational….it is not counted, but experienced. The past is important, but the present is forever recurring, and does not bear on the future like for us. Cause and effect can become decoupled in India….what you do today having little effect on where you might be in a few years. It is all determined by situation and relationships outside of your control.

We consider Indians horrible at time management when the fact is that WE are the ones always complaining about time. You’ll never hear an Indian say they are rushed, they don’t need to check their schedule (because they don’t have one), and they are never too busy to stop for a second and smell the roses (or the sewage in the streets, as the case may be). So I guess they seem to manage time pretty well….we are the ones obsessed, but never able to get a handle on it.

And then there is work…I got promoted, but didn’t really care. I got a decent raise, but it only served to offset the benefits they took away from me last year. I’ve actually wandered a good bit about work lately…read some bits of books about some of my favorite subjects (human motivations, incentives, and organizational values), thought laterally while stuck in traffic, researched how much it would take for me to retire today….dreamed up some weird scenarios to get that done, looked into some franchises so I could own my own business and get out from under the finger of the Man, researched some schools to go back to……applied for some jobs, but I will still get nowhere on that because I have “no relevant experience”. Screw those bastards. They are wrong and I am right….they just don’t know it yet.

I am still supposed to “make work better”. That is what all the things I’m good at tell me I should be doing. It is a powerful and scary idea to know what you are supposed to be doing with your life.

I think everyone should, at some time…hopefully soon, be forced to write down in a paragraph or less what they believe in and what they want…short and sweet. The shorter the better, so you can repeat it to yourself….like self-hypnotism. At first it might be long, but keep re-writing it until it makes perfect and obvious sense to you. You don’t even have to do anything with it…..the simple act of writing it will make it come true eventually. I would say it is the one of the single most important things I have ever done.

So I might go back to school too….not because I think I need it, or even to get a job (although I would certainly use it for that), but because I want to think about organizational (company, church, govt, NGO, etc) development and how organizational values and structure force people to behave in certain ways….how we are reaping what we’ve sewn…..how people are neither better nor worse than they have ever been. The situation changes and people do what they must to get by. Change the rules of the game and people will play it differently. And I really believe I would enjoy thinking about that for a year or two….to really start to get my thoughts together.

If anyone is interested in any of the things I mentioned above….get in touch with me.

I forgot how tired I get when I have alot to do at work. I’ve slept some odd hours lately, from as little as 5 hours to as much as 10 or 11. I don’t feel a ton different either way. But when I run around all day at work….at 6 or 7 when I am finished I feel like I’ve been beaten with a blunt object. My eyes get so heavy.

Anywho…..it has come to my attention lately that one day I may not have a website anymore….or at least won’t keep it. I used to think that one day I might “get important” or someone from work would read it or something and that I would incriminate myself and have to take the shit down.

I don’t think that anymore. I have learned that people don’t really care what I think, at least in a way that incriminates me. I can say pretty much whatever I want. Only a very few people have ever grilled me about what I post, even the things where I don’t really mean it and say stuff inflammatory but amusing just because I think it fits the moment. People read my posts and comment to me about the funny stuff or some interesting factoid I put on here…..no one really ever says, “you’re a depressive, opinionated, self-absorbed bastard”….although I suppose a few people have said that.

So what I think is that one day I will just cease to have anything to say….and perhaps that won’t be such a bad day when/if it comes. Many things I do, or am able to do, are a product of the fact that I am without significant responsibility and have money (not because I make alot, but because I spend little). I CAN pick up and go to India (which I wrote about)…..because I don’t have a family to take care of and/or a house to look after.

I write posts about random facts, my extra-curricular activities, drinking, travel, economics, etc. They are all things that require time and a wandering mind. I complain about lack of time now, but the fact is that I should have more than just about anyone……after all, what do I really HAVE to do (other than go to work)?

So all the factors of my life that lead to this website could easily disappear if I had more responsibility. I guess responsibility isn’t always a bad thing. Maybe I would find something else to write about??? Although if I can barely find time now, and need extra wandering ideas to think of what to write…..then maybe not.

I wrote most when I was unemployed (living at home) and when I first moved to Atlanta (when I knew absolutely no one and lived alone drinking Sam Adams by myself in that little apartment in Post). I also write alot when I travel….again all instances where I have lots and lots of time.

Not that writing takes up a TON of time. But it does often require a rested, creative mind and the mood….and the mood disappears if you’re doing other stuff.

Strange to think about…..I always thought I wrote because I liked it. I do, but I think I might allow it to get crowded out if I had other stuff.

Who knows? I’m rambling. I need to sleep. My eyes are burning.

I know I haven’t made any posts in a really long time. I have been busy with my girlfriend. I know it is obvious and all normal people realize how much time a girlfriend requires…..however, I never realized it. I am happy to spend the time, but now I see how easy it is to neglect other things in your life for a significant other. There are still only 24 hours in a day….