I have a cold. I wanted to go sing karaoke tonight, but alas…even that small pleasure is taken away. Instead I have to resort to another boring night of trying to figure out mysql and php. Hopefully I’ll sleep ok tonight. I couldn’t sleep for shit last night.
I don’t know if any of you read my entry about Mr. BigFatBlog that I posted on 2/8/2003. I actually wrote Mr. FatBlog an email asking him what he thought of what I thought.
This is what he said (excerpts from my email to him are in gray):
Hi Elliott,Thanks for writing.
> However, there are some other points he makes that brought me to my
> final opinion: “The only thing that’s ‘wrong’ about a fat person
> wearing a belly shirt is that society sees it as ‘wrong’.” What???
> You could make that argument about anything….the only thing ‘wrong’
> with a dead person as a best friend is that society sees it as
> ‘wrong’. The only thing ‘wrong’ with sleeping with blood relatives is
> that society sees it as ‘wrong’.I think you’re exaggerating to the extreme here, and really comparing
apples to oranges. The idea of having a dead friend, or sleeping with
a blood relative, is really a sociological more; fat people wearing
belly shirts is just a value. The value is something that has been
simply promoted by modern society, although it may be based on some
Puritanical roots (at least in America). There are definitely two
types of “wrong” here.
> Here is my favorite: “You should love your body, no matter what it
> looks like.” Really?? I tell a slight variation of that to all the
> really hot girls I meet.That’s a personal stance that you have to deal with, then.
Loving one’s body is the key to acceptance, no matter what size one is.
For women, this is something that is entirely different than men;
there are many levels of pressure, mostly societal, encouraging them to
hate their bodies. The size of clothing is inconsistent; diets are
promoted as a way to really live and enjoy life. There is absolutely a
lack of people loving their bodies, and they should. You should, too.
So should any girl you date, but chances are very good that she really
doesn’t.
> “You should like me even though I’m not as hot as the guys you usually
> date.” Or how about potential employers: “You should hire me, no
> matter how lazy I am.” How about the NBA: “Don’t discriminate
> against me just because I’m short, white and have no talent.” It just
> isn’t realistic. And if realism isn’t your bag, it isn’t desirable
> even in that perfect world we’ll never find.Again, these examples are wildly different. Loving one’s body at any
size is a lot different than not meeting requirements for a job – these
are two different things.If anything, people in the fat acceptance movement are very much into
realism. We deal with the realism on a daily basis: discrimination in
the workplace, discrimination in society, a littany of outmoded
stereotypes, mass ignorance… if that’s not realism, I don’t know what
is.
> And here is my final opinion about fatness: All things being equal,
> it is better to be skinny than to be fat. Being fat usually creates
> problems. Being skinny can occasionally create problems. Fatness
> isn’t always the worst of personal issues, but it can add to whatever
> is. So…all things being equal, it is better to be skinny than to be
> fat.In our modern society, it is “better” to be skinny than fat. But have
you truly questioned why that is so? I have, and continue to do so;
millions of others are doing the same. “Being fat usually creates
problems” is a woefully vague and undersupported argument. Why? How?
When? Where? The same goes for being skinny.Thanks for writing,
– Paul
Woefully vague and undersupported argument??? Maybe….but that doesn’t make it a wrong argument.
And finally I’ll say this: If Mr. FatBlog spent as much time and effort trying to lose weight as he spends trying to convince everyone else on the planet that its good to be fat……..well I think we’d have ourselves a solution =)
Am I unsympathetic? I can hear it already: “I can’t lose weight. My body is built like this.” Ok. I will accept that you can’t lose weight if Mr. BigFatBlog accepts that you can’t convince everyone else that it is ok to be fat. In fact, I am confident it is possible to lose weight long before it it will be possible to change the opinion of the entire world.
The third, and most desirable, option is to accept that you are fat and accept that it will always put you at a disadvantage. I think that is what the fat acceptance movement should be about: Fat people personally accepting their disadvantage, instead of trying to convince the rest of the world that it is acceptable. We all have our disadvantages.
Actually, I think fat is ok. I admit it. I have no strong anti-fat feelings…..but its fantasy to believe that fatness is simply an issue of perception…that if somehow you percieve fatness to be acceptable that it is. The fat acceptance movement will always be about fat people secretly resenting the fact that the world shows favoritism towards skinny people…and that they are not one of those skinny people.
It smacks of sophisticated whining. Didn’t they all learn in High School that whiners just get beat up and laughed at?
In fact, it is just like High School. There is always envy of that group you’re not in that is cooler than you. You want to be in that group. They are more fun, smarter, better…whatever. But no matter how many times you try to convince everyone that your group is actually the cool group or that you are now a part of that group…no one buys it. And they never will. The fat group will never be the cool group.
I would also like to thank Paul for returning my email. It has been a fairly civil exchange about a very sensitive topic. I respect that.
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So here we are, 10 months on, and I posted a response in the wrong topic. Go figure! Anyhow, I’d like to respond to a few of your points.
Woefully vague and undersupported argument??? Maybe….but that doesn’t make it a wrong argument.
“Wrong,” no; “poorly supported,” yes. And poorly supported arguments aren’t much fun to work with.
And finally I’ll say this: If Mr. FatBlog spent as much time and effort trying to lose weight as he spends trying to convince everyone else on the planet that its good to be fat……..well I think we’d have ourselves a solution =)
Ah, but how do you know I haven’t done that already? Many, many people have tried to lose weight for the sake of losing weight, and have ended up larger. That’s why diets don’t work, amongst other things. I have found it within myself to love myself as I am, at my current size, or at any size. What I’m hoping is that other people will take a critical look at why there are stereotypes around fat people, why there is this desire to be thin, and why fat is feared.
I will accept that you can’t lose weight if Mr. BigFatBlog accepts that you can’t convince everyone else that it is ok to be fat.
I can’t and won’t accept that. I know people who are fat and healthy; I know people who are fat and happy; I know people who are fat, healthy, and happy. My weight is what it is. I have accepted it, and do not apologize for it. I firmly believe that teaching others about fat acceptance is, in fact, a difficult process. But I don’t believe it’s impossible.
I think that is what the fat acceptance movement should be about: Fat people personally accepting their disadvantage, instead of trying to convince the rest of the world that it is acceptable. We all have our disadvantages.
What makes you see fat as a disadvantage? Is it societal, internal, neither, or both?
I think that’s part of the problem right there. You see fat as a disadvantage. I see fat as simply another variety in the broad spectrum of human qualities. I’m curious why you see fat as a negative thing.
It smacks of sophisticated whining.
I think your high school analogy is interesting. Here’s how I’d improve upon it.
Fat people are the ones in the class who get teased, tortured, abused, and disrespected for no good reason other than their appearance, while everyone else gets a fair shake – or at least, a fairer one.
Whining, it is not. Seeking justice and equality, it is.
Paul,
Everyone has that idea for which they are willing to go down with the ship. This seems to be yours.
You skill with rhetoric is admirable. You seem to have well developed opinions and you express them well…..but no amount of skill will persuade the world that fat is ok. None. Give it up. If this is the idea for which you are willing to go down with the ship….then you just bought your ticket to the bottom.
In fact, the fatter the general population gets, the more desirable it will be to be thin.
Can you change the opinion of the world? I don’t think so, but you are welcome to try.
I stand by the statement that your time is much better served in losing weight than in trying to shift world views.
I am sure you’ve tried. You say diets don’t work. I agree, the research is extremely clear on that point.
But the fact is that our caloric intake has not changed much in the past 50 years. Yet we are much fatter.
The difference is in our lifestyles. 50 years ago over 90% of folks worked in manufacturing or agriculture. These jobs required manual effort and burned calories. Kids played outside because there was literally nothing else to do.
Now 70% of the economy is in the service sector. We do nothing at work more physical than walk to the bathroom. Kids play video games and chat online. Our lifestyles no longer burn calories.
I am not much into placing blame, but the epidemic of obesity and the myriad of health and social problems that come with it has been caused by the monetization of America….and the time poverty that comes with it.
40% of the US labor force works 50 hours or more a week. We work more than any other industrialized country in the world: on average 9 weeks longer per year than Western Europe.
We’re too tired at the end of the day to take exercise and our jobs no longer require us to do anything but punch keys or answer a phone. We went from 8 hours of manual labor per day to 10 hours of sitting on our butts at an office. No wonder we are fat.
And as for children, they used to play outside. But playing outside is cheap. It doesn’t cost anything to go play catch with a friend.
At some point marketing identified them as a demographic with disposable income and pushed them an endless stream of diversions that compete with outside play. These products simply didn’t exist in the past.
Their parents buy them the crap because they feel guilty about not spending enough time with their kids because they’re at work all day. The fact is they have the money to spend of useless diversions, but not the time to make sure their kids live a healthy lifestyle. In many Western European nations it is illegal to advertise to children.
In short, forget changing world opinion and forget diets. Go join a basketball league or a runners club….if you can find the time to do it.
If you trade all the time you spend defending fatness with time spent exercising, you’d find you no longer needed to make such a defense.
If you prefer your current lifestyle, by all means, continue it…and I will continue to enjoy your website =)
Happy Holidays,
Elliott Dykes