Cough Syrup:

Doesn’t work, at all. Waste of money.

Diets:

I’m sorry; they don’t work. Your body has a set point it must gather sometime in your late teens or early twenties….and it wants to stay at that point no matter what you eat. It will tell you you are hungry to get you back to that point. You can certainly lose weight….that is very true; however, you will gain it back…often more than you lost in the first place. Almost everyone does.

The next great diet pill will not affect whether your body stores calories as fat; it will trick your body into lowering its set point. Then you can eat anything you like, and you’ll lose weight anyway.

On another note, gaining muscle will more likely help your weight loss than eating less (since people have proven unable to change their eating habits).

Expensive Face Creams:

My mom likes face creams, and usually has very pricey ones. I have also tried various kinds over the years. They work in the sense that they make your skin look better for the next few hours than if you did nothing (small, but negligible effect), but make no mistake…they are not making you younger; they are not rolling back the clock. They are like diets. The older you are, the more likely you are to have an expensive face cream….the fatter you are, the more likely you are to be on a diet.

I’ve seen the before and after pictures for some of the creams; all I can say is that I’ve never see any affect like that with anyone, nor do I have a first hand account of any experience like that. All the difference I can see is that the lighting is better in the “after” photo and the person is smiling slightly (but not enough to show a wrinkle), and has their hair combed.

I’ll tell you what does work though: Make-up. Even though I’ve never tried it, I can say it really does affect the way your face looks for the entire day, and if worn well, makes you look better. It just isn’t really your face, but oh well. Retin-A works for acne and clears your complexion….it doesn’t roll back the years though.

Marriage:

Actually, I’m just kidding about this one. That’s funny though. It doesn’t work very well for reasons I’ve mentioned in the past (people live too long, there are too many other eligible people around, women can make enough money to do it on their own if necessary, etc.)……..but it does work in some cases, like dieting I suppose.

Teeth Whitening Toothpaste:

Doesn’t work at all.  Waste of money.  You pay a few more bucks a tube and get no results.  The gels with applicators do work okay though, if you’re patient enough to follow the regimen.

Ok…that’s enough. I will stop now. I’ve gotta run.

I’ll tell you one thing that does work, without a doubt:

Sun tan lotion. Now that’s an invention!