I know I haven’t written much lately…just don’t have that much to say lately.  I have a house, a job, and a girlfriend.  I have bills and keep busy with tennis.  Its a good routine, but its a routine.  Its not that I don’t have thoughts…its just that I ignore them and don’t take the time to sit down and write like I used to, just busier.

I just got back from a week of vacation at the beach.  That was good.   I haven’t been on a real vacation like that in years and years and years.  It was a normal beach week where you eat food, take naps, lay out at the pool or the beach, play cards and drink in the evening….basically hang out and do a lot of nothing.

I noticed just about at the end of the week that I was very relaxed.  I hadn’t been relaxed like that in years so it was an odd feeling.  It pointed out that I am generally stressed, since to be relaxed you must’ve been more tightly strung to begin with.

I certainly don’t feel stressed on a daily basis, because I’m accustomed to it.  If you are always slightly stressed, then you don’t recognize it.  It feels normal….or better said it IS normal.  Being relaxed then is abnormal.

Why can’t relaxed be the norm?  Well, I suppose it could, but no one ever promised us a stress free life.  In fact, I think the mere act of having to survive the day means that it is possible not to survive it….which is stressful.  Life is, by definition, somewhat stressful.

That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy a few weeks more vacation though.

This really is one of the most troubling things I’ve read in years.  It is so bizarre you think you’re reading Catch 22 or some Kafka novel.  It reminds you of the surreal, draconian stories of the police state of authoritarian regimes….but its in our own country.

It is frightening really.  You know it goes on I suppose, but to hear the story like that, with all its absurdity, reminds me that the difference between “us” and the “them” we are supposedly against….is very, very thin.

Thinking back to how exited I used to be about my life, I can only say that little has changed except my anticipation of what may come.

When you are young/er, you are never living your life, you are always living in anticipation of it, and so if it is good today, you are stealing a lick…since you are really preparing for tomorrow, and anything you may suffer today is in preparation for the great arrival that you will have later.

Anticipation is a great thing, since it is hard to be let down…you just imagine what you want, and try to move towards it, and as long as you are trying and making small progress, well…its out there to be had.  You are always moving forward towards some great unknown that will surely be more wonderful that what you have today.  If you take a step backwards…no biggie…its all still out there; you’ve just had a “learning experience”.

The rub is that you must one day LIVE your life, instead of live in anticpation of it.  That is something I have not learned well.  I always thought that living in the present is rather bunk.  The present is so blasse.  It is in quiet anticipation of the future and warm reminiscence of the past that you find great joys as well.

One day the present arrives though, and anticipation leaves you a bit cold….anticipate what?  Will it ever be the time now?  Anticipation is a youthful activity.  Adults cannot afford to anticipate….the must simply “cipate” or “pate” or whatever word you want to invent.

I think of this because I always hear “be in the present”, and you will be happy.  Well, the present for me is sometimes good, and sometimes bad.  The past can also be good or bad, depending on what you choose to remember; however, THE FUTURE….its always good.  You can anticipate whatever you like.

As an adult, being robbed of the eternal anticipation of my life is something I’ve never dealt with.

I have already professed my love for the iPhone.  Only cheap women and stiff drinks are better on a lonely night.

Even though I just recently plopped down $400+ for iPhone 1.0, I still thought I might upgrade.  I watched a gaunt Steve Jobs in his little black turtleneck deliver the keynote on the iPhone 2.0 with great anticipation.

Alas, it is not to be.

The iPhone 2.0 does have wireless high speed Internet, and true GPS positioning….but:

iPhone 1.0 will still connect to a wireless LAN at high speed if one is avlb.  The positioning function on the first iPhone is pretty darn adequate, and it was mentioned that 2.0 still doesn’t have turn-by-turn GPS, like the Garmins do.

There are other functions the new iPhone has too, and some that I’d like…..but they’re all software related. I can just wait for the new firmware to come out and I’ll have that functionality too…no need to upgrade.  That’s what’s so yummy about the iPhone compared to other phones:  it continues to get better even after you buy it.  As mentioned, its really a little computer, not a cell phone.

Here are features that I’ll get with the new firmware:  push email, search contacts, save photos from web, VPN, better support for viewing Office documents, and my favorite:  third party applications.

Here is what it doesn’t have…that I’d really like; however, these will be software upgrades not hardware, so I’d still not have to buy iPhone 2.0:  wireless modem capabilities (so I could use it as a mobile internet connection for a laptop), cut and paste, MMS instead of just SMS, iDisk (that’s my term, but I’d like to be able to use it to store files other than mp3s).

So what would make me upgrade?  A better camera (the camera is unchanged).  The camera on iPhone 1.0 is not bad under certain conditions, but its not ready to replace a stand-alone digital camera yet.  Its very convenient not to have to take a camera to a party or a gathering, but always have a good camera handy (because its your phone).  I would take more pictures under more candid conditions.  I’d be willing to pay for that.

At least iPhone 2.0 got rid of that stupid recessed headphone jack.  That’s the only thing I don’t like about it.