Thinking back to how exited I used to be about my life, I can only say that little has changed except my anticipation of what may come.
When you are young/er, you are never living your life, you are always living in anticipation of it, and so if it is good today, you are stealing a lick…since you are really preparing for tomorrow, and anything you may suffer today is in preparation for the great arrival that you will have later.
Anticipation is a great thing, since it is hard to be let down…you just imagine what you want, and try to move towards it, and as long as you are trying and making small progress, well…its out there to be had. You are always moving forward towards some great unknown that will surely be more wonderful that what you have today. If you take a step backwards…no biggie…its all still out there; you’ve just had a “learning experience”.
The rub is that you must one day LIVE your life, instead of live in anticpation of it. That is something I have not learned well. I always thought that living in the present is rather bunk. The present is so blasse. It is in quiet anticipation of the future and warm reminiscence of the past that you find great joys as well.
One day the present arrives though, and anticipation leaves you a bit cold….anticipate what? Will it ever be the time now? Anticipation is a youthful activity. Adults cannot afford to anticipate….the must simply “cipate” or “pate” or whatever word you want to invent.
I think of this because I always hear “be in the present”, and you will be happy. Well, the present for me is sometimes good, and sometimes bad. The past can also be good or bad, depending on what you choose to remember; however, THE FUTURE….its always good. You can anticipate whatever you like.
As an adult, being robbed of the eternal anticipation of my life is something I’ve never dealt with.
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June 20th, 2008 at 10:05 am
I agree, anticipation is great, until you get to the time you anticipated and it is … well, not what you had anticipated. The problem with the present is that it is real, and it involves all those pain in the ass things like errands and rent/mortgage and responsibility. Though as I am approaching 30 and not where I had anticipated, I am trying to learn that the present is where we need to look forward to, because if we can live and love the present, well then the past will be memorable and the anticipation of the future will be irrelevant. Though dreams of what could be always are bigger and better than real life, which makes it hard.