My Old Blog

I finally met my cyberstalkers. We’d been talking by email for a few weeks and Egg1 finally suggested we meet on Saturday.

I talked to a few friends beforehand about their experience with relationships that started on the Internet and I must say it didn’t bode well. I have nothing to lose though.

Jason: You’re shit was hilarious. Why don’t you start your own blog and just tell funny stories about all the random shit you used to do? I would pay to read it. When are you coming down to Altanta to visit?

I must say that I was apprehensive. I played tennis Saturday morning and was all pissed off after I lost so I came home and took a 3 hour nap till 3 in the afternoon. At that point I really hadn’t decided whether or not to take them up on the offer….after all, its pretty weird on the surface.

So in order to help myself make a decision I started drinking and playing video games well into the evening…..under the logic that by the time 10:30 rolled around I would decide to go or be so drunk that it didn’t matter to me whether I went or not.

After a solid 6 hours or so of drinking by myself and whipping everyone’s ass on the internet at Tiger Woods 2004, I was definitely ready to meet a few overweight heifers and close the loop on my cyberstalker drama.

I finally showed up at Egg1’s house after getting lost several times on the way and finishing a bottle of wine. I’ll save the rest of specifics of the story and play Q & A with myself.

Did they weigh 300 lbs?

No, their combined weight was not even 300 pounds.

What did I learn that evening?

Men are good for three things: 1) Opening things (like mason jars or something) 2) Math…specifically geometry and 3) Installing things.

Tequila is fun to drink and I like hanging out with strangers. It is very liberating.

A kitchen is no good place for a teepee.

Some people really are nice for no good reason.

What did the girls do for a living?

Well….I asked this question several times and the only thing I really remember is that they staple things together. No wonder they think my blog is interesting.

What is my opinion of cyberstalking?

I think everyone should be stalked at least once. I explained to them that the whole experience was fun and interesting and that I owe them one for all the faux drama and intrigue.

People pay a lot of money for fun and interesting. They both expressed uninterest in their current job (imagine that) and said they want to do something different on their own and even offered a few ideas on what that might be.

I have an idea too. They should go into business together running a Stalking Service®. You pay to be stalked because it is better than another night of Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network.

You take an online survey and then are matched secretly to stalkers who have similar interests….then you get to lay clues about each other. Maybe it is something like a present to a friend on his/her birthday….they don’t even know that they’ll be stalked. Its like the movie The Game with Michael Douglas except more harmless.

You think I’m kidding and that its a stupid idea, but actually I’m not and it would work if someone were crazy enough to do it. What do you get for the friend that has everything???? Their very own stalker. How thoughtful!

My first business ideas are free. I charge a consulting fee for any subsequent advice though.

Was there a personal connection to me somehow or was this truly just a fluke?

There actually was a personal connection, although I sort of promised not to reveal it publicly. Publicly to who was my question to her. I am not aware but of a very few people from high school that read this website….even fewer that would care. However, a promise is a promise.

And for anyone out there from high school trying to guess…you’ll never guess. I never even knew her really.

Anything else to add?

I’m glad I asked….contrary to all my preconceptions, they are both perfectly nice and I think I will see them again until they figure out that I am really the one who is a complete whack job. (I think though that if they haven’t figured it out already from reading this website that perhaps I can keep them fooled for a very long time.)

So what’s the catch?

I don’t know. Maybe there isn’t one? Stranger things have happened.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 27th, 2005 at 7:05 pm and is filed under What I am doing. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.