I vaguely remember myself when I used to have that much fun. That guy was mostly a rock star, and did what he wanted when he wanted….and everyone loved him for it.
The difference between that person and me is mostly psychological…but not altogether. Life changes….or perhaps we change and so our life seems to….which still makes the difference mostly psychological I suppose.
Anyway, as I toil away my days in the “real world”, middling about full of energy, bursting at the seams with nervous action of uncertain purpose….I am reminded of this person sometimes…….and wonder what happens that causes me to forget.
I am sure that it is the unrelenting barrage of non-events that makes up my daily life. Simply put, they wear me down….and sap the energy that makes me able to rise up.
Not that I am not full of activity and random achievement. Everyday is full to the brim with a spate of buzzing movement and exhaustive effort. When people ask me to do something, I really do have to check my schedule.
The non-events are like a hail of miniature ice picks, bleeding away my will to do anything but drink a beer and watch some TV….a welcome break from the endless snow storm of my life.
However, there is certainly a degree of romanticism to that person I was. His life was very tiresome and full of questions as well…but at least at the end of all that, although no closer to any answer, my story unfolded a little more….I was a little more myself than I was before.
These days end with me no closer to who I can be. They are spent mostly trying to be a little more of what everyone else already is. I have little to offer to that life.
I was at Ein Gedi in 1996 and was talking to Mark from South Africa, the good Mark, and he told me one night very drunk so I knew it was the truth, “I just want to be somebody. That’s part of why I travel. I want to do something special that makes me different….unique.”
I was really drunk that night too (big surprise) and told him something that is truer now than it was then. I said, “When you’re somebody wanting to be somebody different you do things that no one else does to set yourself apart. When you’re really different, you don’t do different things anymore…all you want to do is feel like everybody else.”
Take a look at the picture. Do any of you guys remember that person?? What would you say to him?
I don’t even know what I would say to him. “Keep going,” perhaps…or maybe, “Grow up you fucking Peter Pan,” but both of those are tough roads to hoe. How do you erase the baggage of your life??
That is a good question.
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You have had a great time so far and this is a transition time for you also. Make the best of it. Must budget some time for social activities and met some people to enjoy yourself more.
The best is yet to come.
I would say, “Dude, that guy behind you is wearing a dress.”
Josh,
That’s a dude?? Man, I must’ve been drunk that night. I just remember going home with the blonde girl in a black and white dress!!
Hehehehehehehe
Anyway…yeah…sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doin here in Germany…wasting time getting a masters that, actually, I am not sure if I like it because all I dream about now is opening a restaurant in the south of Italy somewhere…do you have some advice for me…I’ll take some if you’re handing it out Elliott…ok I miss the shit outta you and the guy with the hat on in the pic…I think it’s Bill Cosby…hey…call me some time…011.49.175.958.4263
E-
I like your posting topic. It’s a good one. After reading it, a couple of things came to mind that I often brood upon when bored.
– The people who truly are unique, don’t wonder if they are. They don’t wonder what everyone is thinking or how they will respond to their actions. In fact, they probably don’t think much at all, they just do, and as a result they just are. People sometimes get caught up trying to be the life of the party and completely forget about the party. Ultimately, it’s what YOU see in the mirror, and not what the world sees. You can always tell the person who is completely comfortable in their existence over the person who is just trying to find their way. It’s night and day. I guess, hence the origination of the word poser. Some people play rock and don’t sell out. They don’t need to fit a mold. They don’t care if the payoff isn’t big bucks by following what they truly feel is their path. They’re not concerned with how the world will react or what the world will think. They don’t think, they just do. Damn, sounds like the Nike commerical.
– Too much thinking will lead to a padded room.
– How to erase the baggage of your life? My question would be why would you want to? Like the old verbage goes, life isn’t life at all, it’s just a series of moments complied together in a straight line. I guess like links in a chain. Take one out, it isn’t worth a damn. You are where you are today because of your baggage. Some might be good, other parts may be bad. But one thing is for sure, it’s your life. Cherish it, even the bad things that have happened, or even the bad things to come. It can’t fit some cookie cutting mold of how you want it to be. I don’t know about you, but I aint no GINGER BREAD MAN, and never will be. That’s me.
– I loved your quote about acting different, and then realizing when you just are, you just want to be normal. There’s a lot of truth in that. Kind of liking trying to be different, posing, and just being that way.
– Accepting. I really like this word because I strongly believe it’s the corner stone to life. Sometimes accepting who you are is the most important part. The trouble comes when someone can’t accept who they are. Then life has a tendency to be built on always trying the wrong avenue. The wrong road for your life. Kinda like the old joke, if you aren’t a super model, ya shouldn’t be wasting all your time trying to pick one up. Reality hurts, but truly accepting will always help and heal in the end.
Damn, I’m tired of typing.
LOVE YA,
JHO