My Old Blog

— Selina Peng wrote:
From: “Selina Peng”
To: kelliottdykes@yahoo.com
Subject: hello again
Date: Thu, 08 Jul 2004 00:51:35 +0800

hi elliott, u probly wont remember me, i emailed you a few months ago when i stumbled upon ur website it was just before my backpacking trip and u said to keep in touch and let u know how my trip went,

Yes, I remember you.

well at least i think you did anyway ive got 15 mins left on this computer and i suddenly thought of your site which i hadn´t read in a long time so right now i am in barcelona, ive been in europe for 8 weeks now and have one left to go, ill be flying to rome for the grand finale its all been rather amazing and bewildering at the same time,

It always is. Sometimes you love it and sometimes you hate….but you always miss it.

i always wonder how i will respond when i get home to questions like “so selina, how was it?” i dont think i can think of one or even two words to describe the whole thing

I don’t like talking about travel most of the time. People always ask me, “What’s your favorite place?” How are you supposed to answer that question????

That’s like asking about someone’s life and saying, “So how is it, you know, life…in general…the whole thing??”

Sadly, it has become a sore spot over the years. You often feel like an adult telling some kid how much he is gonna miss being a kid when he gets older….you know he isn’t gonna get what you’re saying.

And that is how it is with travel. You can talk about it, but unless someone has done it, it is a bird trying to explain to a fish what it is to fly.

i think the reason why i am emailing u is becos none of my friends have backpacked before and probly would not understand, last night i finally got pickpocketed after 8 weeks of smooth riding and i think its really having a rather large impact on me

i got lazy and careless and lost a lot of money, but not only that i chased and caught one of them (who did not have my wallet any more) and held onto him for about 15mins waiting for the police before he all of a sudden took off anyway

i know it was my own stupidity but i almost wish i had not chased after them cos spending that 15mins looking and screaming at this guy who had just ripped me off more money than i have ever lost, it changes the whole situation

Maybe it does. But you’ll miss it. You’ll think about it. Over time it will just become part of the story, maybe it even makes the story better.

It is part of growing up on the road….a rite of passage for travelers.

maybe its becos it is still so fresh in my mind and i havent had time to deal with it but today was the first time where i felt scared for myself just walking around alone in such a big city

The reality is that traveling can be dangerous. It is romanticized, but fuck….you are far away from everything….things will affect you and they will affect you more because your buffers are not there, your protection is 3000 miles away.

And you will feel alone…in a way you would never have experienced had you not traveled. It stays with you, that lonliness…that ability to bear the lonliness. I’ve felt it a thousand times. It sets you apart.

i loved travelling alone and have felt pretty confident for the last 8 weeks but all of a sudden my confidnece has been completely shattered and i am paranoid about everyone and everything

Ahh…..now I’m getting nostalgic. You’re getting close to what I miss about it. This is not only why you hate travel, but it is why you do it.

The emotional rollercoaster becomes the signal. The fix that regular life doesn’t offer. One day you are on top of the world….the next day you are literally in a ditch.

It is when you move past normal, move past yourself, and allow life to sweep over you and you feel every single bit of it in a way nothing else will ever allow.

i cant travel like this and all i want is to go home.

I’ve said the same thing a hundred times….even when I wasn’t robbed. You aren’t the only one to feel like that.

Sometimes you look up and wonder, “What the fuck am I doing alone on the other side of the planet? I feel so small.” And at that moment, the feeling is real and sincere.

i didnt mean to write such a big email especially since u dont even know me and i know u have better things to do but i guess i am wondering if anything like this has happened to you and if it changed the way you felt about travelling?

Yes it has happened to me. I’ve been scared many times.

I was robbed too (in Spain as well oddly enough). They took everything….and I mean everything.

I had the clothes on my back and a toothbrush I bought at the store. I started carrying around everything I owned (which was nothing) in a plastic grocery bag. My backpack got stolen. I was a hobo. I had nothing.

My passport is still from the Barcelona Consulate. I went to them and asked for a new one….they asked for ID. I told them it got stolen. They asked for a Social Security card. I told them it was stolen. They asked for a drivers license. I told them it was stolen.

The fuckers didn’t even speak good English (at a US Consulate!!). I thought I was going to start crying…after I killed one of them.

I’ve traveled many times after that though. You become a bit more distrustful perhaps…but lets face it: that may not be a bad thing. It can be dangerous.

i cant have the travel bug and be scared of it at the same time! theres so many more places i want to see ive already started planning my next trip.

Awesome. Go to Turkey. Go to Thailand.

maybe the fear will pass once ive had time to get used to it and stop replaying the whole thing over and over in my mind?

You just become more prepared….maybe prepared to be robbed.

I started packing less stuff. I packed less valuables (my camera is the only valuable thing I take and I am always aware that I might somehow lose it…that is part of the cost of traveling).

I wore a hip belt that kept my passport and cash…..and I fucking took it with me to the shower…and went to bed with it…it was gross and dirty from sweat.

maybe i will stop looking at everyone in the street wondering if they are about to rob me??

I think so. That passes. On the flip side, travel does have an element of danger to it….but that makes it real. Real things have consequences. It ain’t
Disney World…and you shouldn’t treat it as such.

That is part of what makes it great. It is no real accomplishment if there is no real risk.

my time is up, take care hope i didnt bore u too much!!

Bore me?? I get excited when someone else actually understands what I’m talking about.

I wonder sometimes about the people that visit the website and read my posts about travel.

Why do they like about it??? What part of it draws them??….because I know it isn’t the same things that motivate me to write.

Unless you’ve done it, it is extremely difficult to relate to the passions that make me relive it over and over again.

Not that I relive it conciously. It is just always there….a reminder.

And for those other folks out there, don’t misunderstand that it is travel in itself that is something to miss, nor will travel itself change anything for you. To see the Pyramids is a wonderful memory, but it is not the Pyramids that I miss.

It is that lucky circumstance that lets me feel, at some odd moment, what I could never have felt otherwise. In that moment, I have gone beyond myself and raised the standard for what is possible.

“It is the fact that, at a certain moment, when we are far from our own country…we are seized by a vague fear, and an instinctive desire to go back to the protection of old habits…At that moemnt we are feverish but also porous so that the slightest touch makes us quiver to the depths of our being. We come across a cascade of light, and there is eternity.” –Albert Camus

Good travels,

Elliott

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 18th, 2004 at 11:10 pm and is filed under My Love of Travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.