I always loved the movie Cocktail. There is one quote in particular I will never forget. Young Flannigan and his high-class New York girlfriend Bonnie went to the art show. There was a big argument between the two of them. He makes a big scene and then runs out into the street. She runs after him:
Bonnie: Don’t let it end this way.
Brian: All things end badly, or else they wouldn’t end.
My girlfriend and I broke up on Sunday after 5 and a half months. I don’t think we were right for each other.
I might make a post about all that soon, but right now I’m sure she is reading this and I don’t want to do anything that might hurt her feelings.
And actually, that was part of the problem. I had to be so careful all the time what I said around her, how I behaved. She often interpreted what I said and did to mean something completely different than I had intended, which puzzled me. When that happens often enough you feel like you are walking on eggshells.
And for better or worse, I only know how to act like myself. When I am not allowed to do that, always second guessing how the other person might react, always monitoring my behavior to make sure it fits what they find acceptable, it tires me out. The greatest complement I know how to give someone is to say that I feel as comfortable around you as I do with myself.
We had a lot of trouble understanding each other. After nearly six months I didn’t feel she knew me very well….and honestly I didn’t know her that well either. Too much misunderstanding.
I met a girl in Rhodes 2 years ago who I swear could see right through me. I only knew her 5 days. It isn’t important whether she really did understand me or not, only that I thought it was so. There was a good deal of openness and drinking involved with that since I was traveling, but that shouldn’t trump 5 months together.
About 2 weeks after that in Turkey I was falling in love with an Australian math teacher. I only knew her a week. I would’ve moved to Australia if she’d said the word.
It is true that it is extremely dangerous to compare real life to travel, but that is my past. What other point of reference do I have?
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Man… I love this site. It’s more like reading a book. Knowing your philosophy on opennes toward people and your recent post about what you allow yourself to say, I’m never sure what I’m getting. That seems bad, but it’s intriguing. Too many times, we think we figure someone out and the product is a relationship with someone you find boring– because you already know who they are. Reading your site keeps me on my toes. I still don’t really know who you are. I might never. And I’m ok with that.